I Hate the Moon

When we were kids we were promised that there would be cities on the moon and we would get to jump six times as high as on Earth and we would have jet packs and live in moon-caves. I am here to tell you: those were empty promises. Do you see any domed cities on the moon? No. And do you know why? Because the moon is ashamed of its dark side, that’s why.

Everybody knows that all the best moon ports are on the dark side of the moon. It only stands to reason. But every time we send a space ship to the moon, the moon gets all embarrassed about its back and turns it away from us. The space ship lands uselessly in Mare Imbrium. No port. No domed cities. Just the face of the moon with its idiot grin. Well, at least we can wear these space helmets and jump on my trampoline. C’mon.