Panda Express

Close your eyes. Go ahead, close them. I won’t hurt you. Okay. Now picture the most beautiful moment of your life. Your happiest memory. Remember the sights, the sounds, even the smells and the feel of it. Conjure up the most glorious, joyful experience in your entire experience. Got it? Okay: I’ll bet I know what your imagining. Panda Express, right?

Yeah, you’re thinking of their Orange Chicken. Mmm. Or maybe their Kung Pao Chicken. There, in your minds eye: the Broccoli Beef and the sides of Fried Rice or Chow Mein. Hard to decide which image to evoke, eh? Try picturing the Panda Feast! That’s a helping of everything on the menu! Can you picture it? Can you almost smell it and taste it? You can? Really? Wow. That’s your happiest memory? Man, you are pitiful.